” Ghosting: the practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly and without explanation withdrawing from all communication.”
Something most of us have experienced in our lives, whether we’ve put a name to the experience or just moved on, we’ve all had people excuse themselves from our lives without a trace. Sometimes, this can be friends who you just aren’t that close to anymore, and you both just stop talking, from that last message which was left unread. Ghosting usually by people we are dating. Like they disappear without a trace from your life, they no longer reply to your Facebook messages, Snapchats or calls. They don’t want to know you anymore. Which when you think about it, it’s such a sad thing to happen. They don’t tell you why which often leaves the question lingering of what did I do? Did I do something wrong, did they not feel the same anymore or are they just taking a break away? The mind does the strangest of things in these situations. I know mine does for sure.
“Friends can break your heart too”
Since I’ve been in a long time (healthy) relationship, I haven’t had to experience ghosting for a while, however, it happened to me a lot when I was single. More times than I can even count, most people online end up meeting someone else and instead of saying this they bail out. Or they never liked you in the first place, but it’s hard to know what really happened. It’s sad but it’s a part of dating and most of us get over it pretty quickly. Brush off that slight bit of hurt from being rejected in a way and get back on the metaphorical horse.
But what about those people who aren’t just people we met on the internet or in the bar. What about those who have held your hand through thick and thin. Those who know your deepest secrets and who you trusted when everyone else was being shitty. Your partner in crime, the person who got your weird sense of humour and you got theirs. The truth of the matter is, it happens and it sucks.
When your friend doesn’t answer your calls, they stop replying to your Facebook messages, they leave your Snapchat messages on read and they don’t want to speak to you anymore. Even in real life when you see them, they act like they’ve never met you. They look the other way or at their phone and make you wonder what you did to them to make them so mad. Why they no longer wanted to be your favourite person anymore, and instead they’d rather distance themselves from you. In ways, it hurts more than any of the relationships could, as they have been a constant in your life for so long and know your innermost thoughts about being hurt like this.
“From friends to strangers with memories”
To this day the friends who have ghosted me have not gotten back in contact. They sometimes read my messages on Facebook and then never reply. Or they leave me on unread forever, despite them posting on other platforms. As a person who feels guilty for everyone I upset for ageeees, to not know what I’ve done to be unable to make things right is one of the hardest things for me. I would never go out of my way to upset anyone, that’s just not me. I always want to be the best person I can for my friends and I wouldn’t want to be anyone else but that.
They say when you step back and look at a situation, you see it in a whole new light and this appears to be what has happened here. I took a look at the friendship we shared and realised it was toxic at times and no matter what I did or said, it was never any better, I couldn’t fix a friendship with someone who didn’t want it to be fixed. But despite being heartbroken that you are no longer my friend, in ways, I am grateful as I feel like I can breathe, breathe again after months of not realising how much I felt like I was drowning beside ‘you’. Maybe our friendship wasn’t meant to be, maybe I didn’t know you as well as I thought. Sitting here deep in thought, makes me wonder, will we ever be friends again?
… even though, I know the answer will be no.