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Saturday 17th of November was a day I won’t be forgetting in a hurry. I woke up in the morning for work knowing I’d hardly been able to sleep throughout the night and I was already dreaming of an acceptable time to be able to go to sleep when I was home. The day at work goes pretty quick but I couldn’t wait to get home. Once I stepped through the front door, I said hi to Will and then I collapsed into our comfy armchair and took a breath and closed my eyes, a few seconds later I opened them again only to see Will on one knee in front of me.
He was saying the words but I couldn’t comprehend the words which were coming out, it was hard to understand what he was saying as I was freaking out. I recall hearing Liv, you know I love you. Then me bursting into tears and freaking out, probably not an ideal reaction but I promise you it was a happy one. The ring he pulled out of his pocket was so me, I knew as soon as I saw it he had put a lot of thought into his choice.
I am glad Will decided to do it in our house as opposed to in a restaurant or a public location as I would freak out at the idea of people staring at us. Getting engaged is something most girls dream of but don’t know when, if ever it will actually happen for them. I’m almost 24 so the timing felt right. The Pinterest boards have been being added to since 2013 so it is great to be able to have meaning behind them. We haven’t set a date and know it won’t be anytime soon, weddings are expensive if you want the big wedding which is something I now dream of becoming a reality for me. Buying a house is also a goal I would like to achieve in the next 5 years, so it is hard to balance the two. With the new year approaching, I will be setting my new years resolution to start saving up for the future.
Dating with BPD is a difficult one, let alone planning a future with someone. For them and for me, it’s hard. I find it hard to cope with so much love for one person, I am unable to feel the love in normal doses, it’s all or nothing and sometimes I love that person so much and then other times I can’t cope with being around them. Sadly, I’m not sure this will ever change. But for me, being happy to spend the rest of my life with someone feels like I am making progress, I feel the most stable and settled I have done for as long as I remember. The future looks bright and a huge change from the way I felt before my 22nd birthday, where I didn’t even see myself having much of a future if any. I have a job, a house, four bunnies and now a fiance which feels crazy to say!
Now on to the wedding planning, which should be easy as I’ve seen countless episodes of Don’t Tell The Bride and I know now what I don’t want. I’d love something where all of my friends and family can all be there (a reference to Las Vegas Don’t Tell The Bride) and ideally stay, so nobody needs to worry about travel and hotels. I’ve seen a gorgeous site for Glamping which even has a suite, perfect for Will and I, despite not being a huge fan of camping, glamping is the luxury version and something I’d love to be a part of my special day.
We never really know what the future holds but as of November 17th I feel like my life has changed in a way which it never has before and I feel ecstatic that someone feels that way about me enough to actually want to marry me(!) and I am excited for what the future holds.
