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At the beginning of last year, I wrote a post about regaining control after a toxic relationship and I know a lot of my readers found it of use with me sharing my own personal experience in that situation so I decided to delve a little further into this. In my life, I’ve been in five relationships, two of them ended badly, one of them I still speak to on occasion and one of them I would consider a friend and then there’s Will, who I have been in a relationship with for over a year. You can meet so many wrong people, before meeting the right one. This brings me back to the situation I was in last year when I met someone, that person never treated me as an equal and that was hard to deal with, I always felt in the wrong and was never made to feel loved and that sucked, I remember being in the room with said person and they wouldn’t even speak to me, they’d act like I was none existent and I may as well have been invisible. Even today this is something that haunts me, and I think plays a big part in my insecurity, being around someone who is wrong for you, isn’t often easy to spot yourself but everyone on the outside can see you struggling and wants to help you break free, but it isn’t until you learn yourself that you can truly escape.
Relationships can be one of the most difficult times of your life if you’re not with the ‘right one’, but even relationships with right ones can have issues, every relationship will encounter issues, after all, we are human. Sometimes it is too much to deal with and breakups happen, often a change in your relationship can be the start of a breakdown of the relationship that once was, but there are ways to go about attempting to work through these problems, such as getting relationship/marriage counselling which these days can even be done online, which takes away half of the pressure of sitting face to face with a stranger and talking through your problems. Communication is key in a relationship and if something isn’t right it is always best to speak about, rather than bury it.
Relationships can only ever work if it is something you both want and if one person is more invested than the other? The chances are it isn’t going to work and most of us have to learn this the hard way, this is the same as friendships and even with families. Despite putting in 110% one side, if the other side is only putting in 10%, that usually gives you the answer of what to do. As someone who has been on both sides of heartbreak, being heartbroken can be one of the worst feelings going, like in previous experiences it has felt like someone has physically ripped my heart out and although at the time it was the worst thing in the world, it helped me to grow as a person. With the shoe on the other foot, breaking someone’s heart is the worst thing too, especially when you still care for that person but it just isn’t right anymore. In those situations, the person on the breaking up end always tries to make promises which won’t work, in aid of trying to keep that person and honestly it feels awful. Constantly like you’re treading on eggshells, and that’s never okay, you deserve more.
As a person who has had some really terrible relationships, some okay relationships and some of the best ones, I’ve learnt that it is always ok to tell the other person how you are feeling which often helps the situation and in those times when it doesn’t it’s ok to put yourself first, you deserve to be happy. Remember that.